12 hours and counting

In 12 hours I’ll be on the courthouse steps meeting DH. Have a final chat before saying “I no longer”

It’s nerve wracking.

So I’m sitting at my local watering hole. Drinking a whiskey. Just one. Ok. Just one double. Feeling a bit lost.

Normal I’m sure.

Got my hair done

Got my nails done.

Purchased a new dress.

And here is a confession. I’m ashamed of it. But I have to say it.

I am gonna look like the fukking SHIT tomorrow. The dress is amazing and I look good. And I want DH to see me and regret everything he did and said. I want him to look at me and say (in his head) “Dam! I fucked up!” And Rock want him to feel like shut for what he is missing out on.

All of the above is not how I usually operate. I hate anger. I hate vengeance. But I’m feeling both.

I will never ever ever say any of this to him. I can’t be that bitch.

But that’s what I want.

I know it’s not a good thing for my karma. And I shouldn’t fuk that up. But dam. I want him to know what he tossed away

Is that bad? Am I a bad person? I don’t know. Rational Ruth says no. Passionate Ruth says Fuk That!

Ok. I’ll eat something.

I’ll get thru tonight.

I’m gonna be ok in the long run.

Thank y’all for listening.