I’m feeling oddly empowered today.

I received my sofa and love seat (it’s actually called a “chair-and-half).

My living room is full to stuffed now.

I have a dark purple wide chair, burgundy “chair-and-a-half”, dark green sofa, yellow-green tint ottoman and a wooden rocker.

It’s a small space; now smaller but I love it. It feels cozy to me.

I’ve always loved colors … never got to do this before.

My house is becoming MY HOME!

I plan to mount my TV on the wall to save some space.

I need a new color on the walls. They are a grey-blueish. I think I actually need something lighter.

And I need pictures on one of the walls. And another lamp.

But I feel at home.

I have not actually been able to CLAIM my sofa because Oberon has done that. I now have them covered in afghans to protect them a BIT from hair and slobber.

But happy. So happy.

Ok. Seriously… Oberon.

Love this dog.

He and I have bonded in a way I never expected.

Thank You Universe!

He is amazing. Smart. Comforting.

I don’t even mind the snores and farts.

Again… Thank You Universe!

Y’all have this “Go To” movies?

I do.

The movie I pick depends on my mood.

Tonight it is “Planes, Trains and Automobiles “.

John Candy was one of my favorite actors… When he was doing gentle (not slapstick) comedy. Same for Steve Martin.

This movie is only 1, of 2, holiday movies I cane watch anytime.

The other holiday movie I can’t resist is “Scrooged”.

I find it is very interesting that most comedians… when they transition to movies … I find fascinating when they play serious or vulnerable roles. Not when they do what they became famous for.

Robin Williams. Jim Carrey and Martin Short just to name a few.

“Only The Lonely” is another John Candy movie I can watch over and over.

Anyway, it’s Sunday night and I’m snuggling up to this favored movie. Doing laundry. Sipping a glass of whiskey.

Life is good.

July 2018 I weighed 340+ pounds. Then my life fell apart.

The first thing I found any control over was my weight. I started to lose weight slowly and steadily.

My goal was 250 pounds.

I hit my goal early in the fall of 2019.

I weigh myself every Monday at work on the same scale at almost the same time.

I continued the practice because I don’t want to gain any weight.

I really only paid attention to not going over 250#. I really didn’t notice continued to loose.

I didn’t notice so much that when I hit 240# this Monday it didn’t register in my consciousness.

Tuesday morning I got to my office and took off my coat. I hiked up my size 18 pants and grumbled to myself because the were sliding down (two weeks ago they fit perfectly)

As I looked at my calendar (where I record my weekly weight) my jaw dropped.

That is when I realized it. I lost 100 pounds!!!!

Coulda knocked me over with a feather!

It wasn’t a goal. It is just a fact.

But I’m sure as fuk gonna celebrate the fact.

I will continue on as I have been. I have no goal. I just eat right. Portion control. And exercise. If I keep losing weight. I do. If I stay here. I do.

I feel great. I’m not afraid to break a chair. I feel quite sexy at times. Not all the time… more goes into feeling sexy than just a skinny body. But it does feel good.

So, YAY ME! I lost 100 pounds!

I was brought back to my childhood today.

When Jesus Christ superstar toured in Detroit my parents went to see it and they did not take me. I was told I was too young and would never understand it.

They did bring home the album and within days I knew every word and could explain every song and and story.

My parents were dismayed but what I didn’t understand was this was a night out for them; they didn’t take many.

As consolation the next summer we went to see Godspell.

It was the first theater that I remember seeing.

I was mesmerized.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a tremendously religious person. I don’t disagree with the general principles of Christianity but I disagree with the general people of Christianity.

Today I happened to put in the movie Godspell.

I was instantly transported to that first experience of my childhood and while I remain in disagreement with the general people of Christianity; I appreciate the principles of the Gospels.

From the first moment of the movie (which I have seen many times) I was transported. I felt the things that I had felt as a young child.

I felt instant joy and a sense of instant faith.

It was rather wonderful.

Something I wish I could feel all the time but pragmatism gets in the way.

The innocence of faith and the innocence of youth are rather wonderful qualities that I fear I have lost forever.

I might wish different but it will never be so and that’s OK.

I doubt that I am alone in this wishful, innocent desire.

But again, it is OK.

Who I am is very much based on moral principles and the basic tenants of Christianity.

I can enjoy things like Godspell for what it is.

And I can wish for the innocence of youth even if I no longer have it.

It was a melancholy yet joyful moment

I hope to hold onto it.

Tomorrow when I go to work I will greet my work-wife and I will ask for a hug because I will need one.

Not because I’m sad but because I need reaffirmation.

And in her I will get it.

Peace be with you.



And it’s here.

This is the first NYE I will be alone in over 30 years.

Have about 10 hours before “The Hour”.

At the moment I’m fine and I’m hoping to stay that way.

So I shall push my way through this night; Oberon at my side.

Musicals blaring.

Sipping whiskey.

And celebrate a new decade.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

I received a surprise call this evening from a superficial friend in distress.

By superficial I mean that he is someone on the outside of my circle. He is the husband of a friend of mine.

He and his wife are currently separated but we all live in the same area.

He sent me a text asking if he could come over because he was just feeling lost and didn’t know who to talk to.

Of course I invited him over.

His wife left him as I left my ex.

I had no good advice for him and I certainly couldn’t offer any. I just listened.

It gave me some insight as to what my ex may have been going through while I was going through different things.

In that way he helped me

At the same time it made me feel very sad for my ex.

Of course it made me feel sad for my friend and his wife as well

I was brought back to a time where I had just left my ex and I was lost. And I remember feeling as if I just needed someone to show me kindness and no judgment.

There were many people who did that kindness; no judgment.

I gave him water. I provided a short glass of whiskey. I fed him. I listened.

I feel as if I’ve been able to give back to the universe a little bit for all of the blessings that I’ve received of the last year. The blessings of my friends and my chosen family.

I am very happy to have been there for my friend. I hope he finds peace





I brought Oberon home yesterday.

We walked the house.

We walked the yard.

We walked around each other.

Eventually I sat and he kept walking. No panting. No anxious behavior. Just walking.

I got down on the floor and he came over and sat down next to me.

I just petted him. Making sure I wasn’t hitting any spots he had issues with.

He farted and fell asleep on my legs.

Farting is a VERY common theme with him.

I moved to the chair once my legs regained feeling.

Note to self: don’t let a 93 pound dog fall asleep on you as you sit cross legged on the floor.

After that he followed me around like my ass was made of dog treats.

Eventually I decided to take a nap. I cannot say the last time I felt like I could nap. And when I did try … I wasn’t successful.

I slept for three hours straight! Oberon laying on my feet the whole time.

Rest of the day we did dog-things.

I watched some training videos. He has some politeness issues and I must work on that.

I went out to a local friend’s house for a couple hours and felt it would be a good test for Oberon.

I came home and he was so calm. Sitting up in his cage.

Soon we went to bed.

Again Oberon was on my feet.

I didn’t have any bad dreams. I almost slept through the night.

Got up and went to the vet. He rides in the car like a champ.

Everything checked out.

Right now I’m writing with him snoring at my feet. I expect a fart anytime now.

I’m more happy – in this moment – than I have been in a long time.

Oh I am well aware he is not the fix for my issues. But dam … he is a help.

I found my dog today.

His name is Oberon. I don’t care what some nimrod named him after. As far as I know it is the king of the fairies! A-la Shakespeare.

Fuk that beer! Or the 4th moon of Uranus!

He is an American Bulldog. 93 pounds. 2.5 years old.

Oberon!

I pick him up tomorrow.

Time will tell … but at first look. At first lick. He was mine.

Oberon!

I can hardly wait!

Yes. I have the freedom to dream.

Through music

Through words.

I will dream.

And through dreams I’ll figure out how to live

And be the woman I am intended to be!!

I will dream!