My Birthday

I know I said I hate whining. And I do, but here it comes…

Today I turned 53 years old today

It’s kind of slightly killing me.

I don’t want to be half through with my life.

I cried and broke down last night like I haven’t done in a long time.

I have never been good with my birthday. Since the day I turn 30 it’s been Trumatic every year. I hate that about myself but it’s true.

I spent last night crying and breaking down and knowing that I was stuck. I had broken a marriage I had no one to comfort me.

And then my girlfriend called me. She’s been through it worse than I ever thought I could ever have it. And she listen to me scream and cry. And scream and cry I did do. Much to my Shame.

I don’t want to be that person and yet every year my birthday comes around and I hate it!

I want to been sanguine about the whole thing. Mature open amazing… But I’m not.

I am stupid and immature and hate that I am one year older.

Maybe one day that will change.

I spent the day watching Broadway shows that were videoed: Shrek the musical, Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables.

Between those classics I listen to Todrick Hall, Nicole Slezenger and Ivy LeVan.

Mix the pop in the classical and that’s where I am. And every couple of hours I cry for no fucking good reason.

Wallowing in a bit of self-pity and I don’t even deserve it.

Tomorrow is a new day. And in three months things will be different. I hold onto that anthem.

In three months it will be different. I swear it!