On My Mind

I have a couple of things on my mind this morning. I’m going to try to stick to one topic.

I am very distressed this morning. I am spending the weekend with my BFF for the first time since I have split with DH. Since my split with DH I have grown and changed. I am tired of being afraid to say what I think or behave in a manner I desire. This is not to say I cannot be polite and kind. It is now, though, against my nature to simply conform to the expectations of other people.

My BFF expects conformation. and is distressed that I am not doing as she expects. She got pissed last night because I “ruined” a picture. I was having fun and being goofy and stupid. And… It is a picture on her phone… Easily taken, retaken and deleted I less time than it takes for 20 heart beats.

When I tried to talk with her about it later. She accused me of “9 times out off 10” not taking her feelings into account and attempting to make her feel bad… She barely let me finish a sentence.

And now… This morning we are sitting here at breakfast. Small talk abounds. Again I’m afraid to talk with her openly and this hurts.

I don’t want to bare my soul about what I’ve been doing since DH and I separated…I want to be able to simply communicate with out filters….

I imagine this may remain an unresolved issue in my life.

“There is no agony like an untold story inside you”. Maya Angelou.