Is There Anyone Else Out There…

Who cannot stop crying?!?!?!

Seriously.

I cry daily.  I fukking HATE crying!

I didn’t know there was this much available extra water in my body!!!

I don’t like feeling vulnerable.

I do not like feeling afraid!

But that is all I am feeling these days.

Vulnerable and afraid.  Fukking SUX!

I want to be strong and independent and I am not succeeding!!!!

It is frustrating … angering …

So I only told one person this…. I actually called the suicide prevention hotline last week.

I do not believe in ending my own life from emotional distress.  I really don’t!

But all I could think of was the snub-nosed 38 in my house.  And how much easier it would be to just end…stop… all this shit.

Through everything in the recent years I have NEVER thought of this.  To actively end my life.  But last week … I couldn’t stop thinking about it for one night.

obviously, nothing happened.

Obviously, I am still here.

Between the poor person on the other end of the phone and my own rational thought process….I am still here.

And I am glad.

I am embarrassed to have had these thoughts.  I am ashamed to have these thoughts.

But … somewhere … someone … else may be having the same thoughts.

You are not alone!

Don’t do it.  Just hang in there.  You are NOT alone!!!

if I put this out there … and it makes a difference in ONE person’s life (and I hope it does) it is worth it.

So embarrassment aside.  I feel you sister/brother.  I really do.

We will get thru this.

It’s OK

I don’t know you.  I love you anyway.

Stay with us.