Circle of Life

440 pm

Going to the vet tomorrow.

It’s time.

My Ex and I are putting our eldest dog, Cyrano, down tomorrow.

He would be 16 years old around Mothers Day. That’s when we got him … 16 years ago. Just an adorable little puppy…. so sweet. So spoiled!!!

Two days before I walked into a pet store … I had never been there and haven’t been there since

It was fate.

I saw these young girls and their mother … a litter of 5 female pups and one male … I knew he was mine the moment I saw him. I knew his name … Cyrano.

When I was sick he wouldn’t leave my side.

When many visitors would come over he would bark at them and sit on my head! Ever had a 55 pound anything sit on your head????

He has lost almost 20 pounds.

It is time. I know this. My ex knows this.

It does NOT make it any easier.

By this time tomorrow, Cyrano will only be a memory. A memory I’ll hold in my heart forever.

When my Ex and I split the biggest thing I regret is that I could not bring him with me. And he was angry at me. For abandoning him. He wouldn’t talk to me for months.

This lovely dog I adored. He ignored me. That hurt more than you can know.

He talks to me now … but is reserved. And tomorrow he goes away forever.

I know this is a very selfish way of seeing things. I get it. But I cannot help it.

Cyrano … I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry it is your time to go.

I love you. I always will.

I’ll be the adult tomorrow… but tonight … alone … I can’t.

Tomorrow I’ll hold you and love you and let you go … as I know is right.

But tonight I’ll cry … I’ll wallow. Tonight I’ll grieve.

Tomorrow I’ll be strong and just be there for you.

Tonight i remember.

It is the circle of life. I get that. Intellectually I really do.

But my heart breaks anyway. I’ll miss you.

I love you Cyrano. Always will.