Dad

I miss my dad tonight.

He has been on my mind for a couple weeks.

I wonder what he would think of me.

What would he see when he looked at me? Truly looked.

Would he be proud of me?

Would he be disappointed?

Would he wish I had stayed in my marriage? Would he wish I had stuck it out?

Would he be happy I finally stood up for myself?

Would he think I’m a tramp? That I am in a very unconventional relationship with two people …

Would he just be happy that I’m happy?

I really don’t know. I wish I did. I wish I could talk to him. Even if all the bad things I wonder were true. I wish …

I miss my dad. I miss his hugs and I miss his comfort.

It’s been a long time since I’ve cried about him being gone from this world … from my life. But tonight I am crying.

He was not only my dad but also my friend.

I’m afraid I probably would be a disappointment to him. A disappointment because I am sometimes so frightened. He wanted me to be a strong person … and I feel nothing like that.

I am enough … I know this. But I hate that I must keep saying it. To make myself believe it.

Dad… I wish I could hear you and talk with you. I wish I had your counsel.

Oh Dad … I wish…

I miss you!