Memories

Feeling a bit melancholy this eve.

It’s not bad. Not a bad head space. Just melancholy.

Went to see my AP after work. AP is a 94 year old woman who is amazing. Is/was. Hard to say. Bits of both.

Always said I wanted to be AP when I grew up.

She is feisty. Obnoxious. Was furiously independent.

Now she is in a nursing home. She recognized my face but couldn’t remember my name or ever figure out exactly who I was.

We still had a lovely visit.

She had been declining in the past couple years. It has been sad to see.

But when she didn’t place my name. It reminded me of the first time my Dad didn’t recognize me.

I didn’t really get sad. Just melancholy.

She was such a strong woman. So fierce.

She is now so very small. Can barely walk. Cannot remember who I am precisely.

Funny story: AP told me she needs to find a man to marry because she really misses “it”. Yup! I get that! Don’t think I’ll tell my Cousin about that. LOL.

I miss my dad. I miss who AP used to be.

I hope I don’t get there.

Not to be morbid. But I hope I never become (by nature) a shell of who I was. To know that my family would find me a burden. That I might not remember who they are.

AP is/was a wonderful woman. I still want to be her when I grow up.