Conversation

OK, so I put my big girl panties on last night.  Called mom.

She hemmed and hawed and beat around the bush and I finally asked her to spit out what she wanted to ask.  So she did.

I told her yes, I am getting a divorce.  She did the usual (oh NO! and what HAPPENED? and all that stuff) and really that isn’t a surprise and I get it from a lot of people so it isn’t the least bit upsetting.

I explained to mom that what happened between DH and I is between DH and I and she doesn’t need to know the particulars.  But what IS important is that I am happy!  Happy with MYSELF! I think she kinda chose not to hear that at first but eventually it got through.

Interestingly she said, “You sound so strong, you always were the strong one.”  I was surprised by that assessment.  I told her that in the past year I have learned how strong I could be and that, before…I didn’t know.  She was surprised to hear that I didn’t stay in the house and that I was the one who left.

She did say “Don’t you remember, before you got married, how you said you wanted your marriage to be like mine and your dad’s?”  And I told her that my marriage simply didn’t work out like anyone planned.  She asked if I plan to marry again someday and I did reply with a very healthy “Over my dead body”  Now this was a kicker…”But who will take care of you?”  Ummmm.. Me.  I will take care of me!

She asked if I am dating anyone and I replied yes.  Then there were about 3 heartbeats of silence and she said… “Is it a man?”  Oh my word!  I was surprised to hear mom ask that and I said, yes…for now. Then she asked if I thought I might “go the distance” (really??? and by that I know she intended long term relationship) with him.  I explained I have no idea and am just taking things as they come.  The conversation wasn’t horrid though there was a bit of crying…on her part.

She did get one little dig in though…but it didn’t sting. “Your father would be so disappointed!”  Yes, well I explained that I believe my father would be proud of me for finding my own path in this world and supporting myself.  Silence to that.

So there.  It’s done.  Mom knows and that’s all there is to that.

Knowing my mom…there will be multiple follow up phone calls and stuff.  I’ll handle it as it comes.

I would like to share some advice from a good friend.  It really helped me think and clarify what to say and who to say things to.

“Failure to stand in a busy intersection and proclaim your truth is not hiding. Neither is reserving your truth for those who have earned the right to hear it. There is a distinction between selective disclosure and hiding. They are not interchangeable.”