Musings

Awoke this morning in my own bed. And that was a good feeling, of course, but also tinged with something … missing. The birds.

This past week I awoke to bird song most mornings. It was so lovely; peaceful.

I made coffee and went outside and got my bird song for the day.

I head back to work tomorrow. First days back are always a busy and stressful but I’m feeling up to the challenge.

I found the time alone, this past week, to be: rejuvenating, lonely, peaceful, frightening, boring, glorious, sad and a whole myriad of other fleeting emotions I can’t name. And while some of the aforementioned words may not seem to be good ( in and of themselves) all in all the experience was positive.

I found I’m OK alone. Not happy-happy-joy-joy OK … more like at-peace joy. I think this was important for me to find out. To discover. It is something I have feared.

Sure, I know I don’t desire a solitary life I desire companionship… but being alone won’t kill me. I will not only survive but I can thrive as well.

This past week I sought no company outside of conversation and the joy of meeting new and varied people. It was wonderful. Hearing people’s stories. Leaning new things. Finding new places.

I feel that this past week will help me get through the upcoming weeks and subsequent divorce next month. I hope this is true. I feel it is likely.

I’ll admit there is still some general anxiety in my soul. Fluttering around. Just waiting to pop out… when I least expect or need it. But… that’s life really. No matter how happy you may feel … bad things happen, unwanted thoughts and situations happen. I need to learn to get thru them, learn from them and then move on

Onto the day…