Sunday

And the sun is out and the birds are singing… and I did get out of bed again.

I want to apologize for my yesterday… but I won’t. I won’t because what I write about.. felt… experienced and expressed were all real and to apologize would somehow lessen it.

Don’t get me wrong… let’s not have a repeat of how I felt yesterday anytime soon. But sometimes ya just have to go through the hard emotionally crippling roller coasters.

I’m not a manic depressive … I just tend to feel too much. And the only place I am totally free to say what I must get out … is here. When I try to expresses to people they want to comfort and feel sorry for me. A very few listen and just try to be present… and those people are cherished but I dislike the feeling I just repeat myself. I sound like a whining child. I don’t want or need sympathy. Probably just need a good smack to the head really. So I write.

I wrote yesterday in the heat of the moment. Brought on by a cascade of well meaning and lovely people. But even before that I was having a difficult week. It builds up… even when I try not to let it. And BOOM.

So today is a new day and I know that while I’m not “fine” I will be alright. My doubts are still there but I quieted them. I do know what I’m going through is normal and everyone has hard times. My hard times are not even close to other’s hard times. As Gloria Gaynor said “I will survive”