Decision about my mom

I have not spoken to my mother since October 2018.  In previous posts I have commented or mentioned issues with her.

I am at a point in my life I feel I am healthier and more able to speak with her again.  I feel I can put up healthy barriers and not get dragged into the endless cycle she tries to drag me into.

Most of the people in my life urge caution and I understand that.  I don’t want to be hurt either.  I don’t want to be drawn into taking care of everything for her…again…and again…and again and then be treated like I’m a terrible person…unless in front of other people when she tells them how wonderful I am.  But alone…its a whole different abusive story.

Regardless of the history there I have felt the need to see her.  Not to unburden myself of all my resentments or issues.  Just to see her.  I cannot ever fully rekindle any kind of super-close relationship.  But I feel I must give this one last try.  I must just be able to communicate with her.

I don’t plan to tell her anything about the divorce or what is going on in my life.  I may ask a friend to go with me…just to sit in the car…NOT to go IN!  Just in case this turns out badly…and even though I am ready for that…it will still cause a lot of pain and doubt.

So this Saturday or next Saturday.  Not sure which  But I’m going to see mom.