As I write this I am not certain what the title is. I hope, by the end, to know.
I love too hard. I don’t mean “I’m in LUUUV with you”. I simply mean I love too hard. And while I acknowledge this, I cannot say I would change this fact. Yes, it means some discomfort and possibly pain…but it also means joy.
And that love is an encompassing one. Love of friends, family, animals and yes a lover. I know it will sound like I’m splitting hairs or something…this love that I am expressing is not the romantic love that everyone dreams of. I don’t dream of this. I had my shot and blew it. And the kind of romantic love, that everyone dreams of, is way to much for me. The love I am talking about is a caring about how you are, a connection with you that makes our time together special, silly jokes and wonderful time spent doing whatever we like to do together.
I have given this some thought recently. Why do I do this? What is it, in my make-up or history, that gives me this sensation. This feeling of joy and attachment. Sometimes the knowledge that this feeling is going to be fleeting is present and I simply embrace what I have at that time. I have felt this kind of love for my patients in the past. It is just something I have, inside, that I give freely and no matter what the outcome…it makes me happy. I have no answers to this question of my loving to fast and too hard. I know that even when pain is upon me, due to this, I wouldn’t trade it for the world
Odd thoughts this morning.
Ruth's Life and Experiences 