So I certainly suffered a bit of an ego setback this weekend. I have to say, when reviewing the stuff from Sunday (and by stuff I mean the stuff in my head) I am not surprised.
OK: so I opted out of the 2nd day of motorcycle class. I actually think this was a good thing. I had a lot more going on in my head than that class. I didn’t know it would be… it just happened. (see below) Also…I really did feel completely under-prepared to do the tight turns. I will be contacting my good friends and getting practice in before moving onto redoing the class. I need to redo it. I am not an idiot and I can do this. OK, sometimes I am just dumb…but the smart thing was to withdraw at that point.
Sunday was Easter. I knew this. It wasn’t a surprise. It still took me by surprise. Maybe I should say: my feelings took me by surprise and I didn’t handle them well. As noted, previously, I didn’t miss DH. But I did feel terribly alone. I am not good with being alone but I need to be better with it, in my head… I will be, I am going to be! The hard part is feeling as if I deserve nothing but…being alone. Yes…that is how I feel. I need to knock that feeling out of my head. Working on it.
Today I serve DH the divorce papers. So…this is also in my brain. And I know it will be a challenging personal moment. He knows it is coming, this isn’t a surprise to either of us, and the timing is just fine. But it is still… ya know … hard.
I am a good person. I deserve to love myself and not fear and loathe my feelings. I dislike the sense that all I seem to do is whine. Get out of my head. Get on with life. Let the good and bad happen. They will no matter what and if I cannot enjoy the good that only leaves the bad to bring me further down.
I will be fine. I will be so totally fine! And that is my answer for the day
Ruth's Life and Experiences 