I chose happiness

I dislike having diarrhea of the mouth. Oh I don’t give away secrets others confide in me. I give away my secrets. My thoughts. Insecurities. Fears.

I do this to some people because I’m afraid They May get close. I may come to care. I often do. And I’m afraid they will find out about my own special brand of crazy/broken and not be able to tolerate it. Then poof. Gone.

I’m not particularly proud of many things recently. I acknowledge them. I understand that some was part of change and searching. But I feel like I should have had a better handle on myself.

I should have maintained better.

And once again I find myself in a position that makes me feel a bit the fool. A bit anxious. And also… hopeful. Hope leads to fear. But I’m going to cling to hope. As someone has said. I chose happiness.