Sometimes I think I am just losing my mind.

I think the title says it all!

I run around work…like…happy go lucky.  And I DO feel good.  I’m happy to help my patients and follow up for my physicians.  Talk to my co-workers and be a generally pleasant person.

And then…I get home…

I want to kinda just murder the universe!

Yea, I know, depression … GAH!  But it’s odd to me.  I don’t feel down…per se… I feel … … A bit down, a bit angry… And I really cannot say if I am angrier at myself or at the world.  This is a very odd sensation and it causes some anxiety for me.  I don’t like it.

Then there is the whole…men thing… I really enjoy being alone! And I want to continue to enjoy being alone! But when I actually have the opportunity to snuggle up and spend the night w/FWB…I LOVE that too!

Saw DH this weekend.  Spent about 3 hours cleaning up some stuff.  We happened to go thru old photos and albums.  About lost my shit when I saw my grandmother’s handwriting in a letter to my family.  Thought DH was gonna fall off the tracks…LOL…he didn’t quite know what to do with me.   I felt bad for him because he looked like he was afraid I was going to break.  And then I was thinking…you lived with me for 23 years! Don’t you know how to hold me by now?  I’m not gonna break!

And then there is a box of stuff for my mom.  I am SO TORN! Do I bring it to her?  Or do I just toss it?  I know it would mean a lot to her and at the same time I don’t want to do anything at all for her!  AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!