OK…I have spent the last few days being a lot angry at DH. I am not angry at what he said. I am angry that it took him so long. That I spent SO MANY FUKKING YEARS wondering what was wrong with me! What did I do wrong, why couldn’t I make myself into the person that DH might want to spend time with (euphemism there…in case you missed that!)
This last weekend was difficult (see previous posts) and simply highlighted the issues I am dealing with (on a personal level). And while those issues were highlighted I became angry with DH (this anger comes in waves) (AND I am apparently going to use a lot of parenthesis in this post!) for not telling me how he felt sooner. I have heard his excuses: I didn’t want to hurt you, I thought you would change, and ..what-tha-fuk ever else he wants to say.
So today is Tuesday and DH and I normally meet after work today. I just cannot do it. The weather is/has been bad and is not going to improve. I also have been sleeping like shite (see above comments about anger issues!) and frankly just want to go home and get some quiet time.
So I let DH know about this and it is OK by him (joy) and then he asks about my sleeping and am I getting sick and…oh BITE ME! I mean…dude…I’m sorry but don’t tell me about how you are concerned about me. I don’t WANT your concern! Please don’t be a “nice guy!” I don’t mean he should insult me and be a total DICK! But don’t be a TWAT either! (Don’t ask me what…but I just KNOW there is a difference when speaking of personalities!) Just leave your concern for my well being at the door. I don’t want it!
I think…over all…my decision NOT to see DH tonight…is the right one. (!)
Ruth's Life and Experiences 