But first! Down another 2 pounds. I am currently 314#. Ok, yes, still fat, but getting more and more fabulous daily! I feel great, physically, and my emotional state feels rather right-with-the-world as well.
So, went to a birthday party this weekend. The little girl turned 6. I have known her mom for a long time. She made a very interesting comment. She and I have not seen a lot of each other in the past few months. She is a busy/working mom and … well, we all know what I have been up to.
So she commented that when we originally met she found me to be outgoing, friendly, easy to laugh and a lot of fun to be with. She liked my personality and she really wanted to be my friend, get to know me better. She stated, in the past few years, she watched that girl disappear. She understood about my dad and the toll his illness took on me. She thought, after he died, I might finally get back to being myself again. She was sad because she said that even when I was in the room I seemed…cut off, distant and alone. At her daughter’s party she said she can “See the old Ruth again!”
I don’t think I ever thought of it that way. But I understand. I was more spontaneous and joy filled 10 years ago. And yes, Dad and his illness and death really did take a toll. What I believe I know is that while I could recover from his death…the depression that I was in couldn’t lift because I was so unhappy at home. And I didn’t understand this. How could I? No one else put the connection together, either, because I didn’t talk about it. I just bottled it up SO TIGHT! that I couldn’t even access it.
Well..the cork is out of the bottle and there are permanent cracks in it!
Last week was hard and kinda sucked. I have a better outlook this week
Ruth's Life and Experiences 