This House is Clean

OK…so the quote doesn’t EXACTLY fit…but it sorta fits and I love that quote.

“This House” is my brain.  I had last week off work.  I was very busy (for me).  Every day I went out and did something or met someone.  While home I cleaned/rested/meditated/crocheted /worked out or did any other of the myriad things that I can do on a day off.

This was the busiest week I have had off in almost 1 and 1/2 years.  In recent memory, for my time off, I seemed to be increasingly … sleepy.  I could spend all day in bed.  Sure, I would get up/go out for something specific but I had absolutely NO motivation to do anything on my own for myself or for my own home.

Last week I stayed busy and it felt great! I didn’t wallow and lay on my bed wondering what is wrong with me.  I wasn’t running around with frenetic motion either, as if to hold still might cause permanent damage.  I just kept doing stuff.

I did have one night of tearful self examination.  Sunday night, before returning to work on Monday, I cried most of the evening.  I cried because I felt lonely.  I am not… Lonely … I am surrounded by friends/family and love.  But…late at night…I am lonely.  I miss sleeping with my husband.  I miss being able to move my arm and feel him there or hold his hand.  I miss the occasional Sunday mornings just cuddling in bed watching channel 2 news and talking.  I miss personal space intimacy.

These are not reason to go back to my husband.  I do NOT miss a fair number of things as well…

Last weekend I had to call DH and update him on a mutual friend.  I was able to tell him that A) I wanted to get the information to him and B) I also just wanted to hear his voice.  I felt like that might have been a bit of a breakthru for me.