Indecision

I realize I said I would be moving upstairs this last Friday.  I didn’t.  I didn’t do it to make a statement…I didn’t NOT do it to make a statement either.

I’m feeling particularly wishy-washy about the whole dam thing.

I don’t want to make my DH’s life more difficult or put him in a position where he feels his back is against the wall.  But, frankly, I don’t want to be made to feel the same way.  I don’t really want to go upstairs because I feel this is just one step away from moving out of the house.  If I am out of sight then I am out of mind and then…I am out of the marriage. The marriage I don’t wish to dissolve.  I feel if I go upstairs it will make DH’s decision so much easier.  That having me out of the bedroom will make that last step just the easiest step at that point.

I feel very selfish making this decision…not to act…not to go upstairs.  But the fact is I don’t want a divorce and I don’t think that I should make the decision to stay married an EASY one for DH.  If he wants a divorce he is going to have to work at it.

Of course…it is possible…I may change my mind in the next 48 hours.  See…wishy-washy!