Took a couple days off of writing. The weekend felt overwhelming. I’m trying not to be a persistent complainer. This blog is for me to get things out that keep rolling in my head but I feel like I am just complaining. I’m not trying to. There is a forest in the trees somewhere and I will find it!
This weekend was overwhelming because I was alone. DH had gone up-north to “think” for the weekend. Have I mentioned, previously, I had tried to get him up there to spend time w/me and our friends for the past 2 years?!?! Yes, I did mention it. I won’t go on further about that…
While DH was “thinking” I was overwhelmed. I wanted to go out but I felt afraid to. Friends invited me out to go to a party around the Dream Cruise but I was afraid to go. I am not really ready to be social with people who smoke. I am very afraid to light up another cigarette. I feel that if I do then THAT’s IT! DH will only see that I had a cigarette. He won’t see that, OK I have been trying but for that moment, I fell. And I am gonna pick myself up again. So I didn’t go to the party.
Thought about going to see a movie … then I didn’t do that either. Thought about it and just felt apathetic and also weirdly overwhelmed by just going to see ANY movie! and not having to be concerned about what WE might be able to agree to see.
I also felt overwhelmed by the stuff I could do to be productive. Does that sound stupid? I think it does. I know I don’t have to complete EVERYTHING or even one thing. I just have to start it. Nope…didn’t do that…so overwhelmed I did nothing. I DID do my laundry: go me! Did take good care of my dogs: go me! I am not going to list what I didn’t do. It will just make me more frustrated.
OK, made it to work today, as usual, GO ME!
Ruth's Life and Experiences 