Odd day today

Feel kinda weird today.  Bit…up in the air…unsure of what is coming my way…a bit anxious.  Must be the rain.

Dinner last night was a good one.  I was supported and there was advice.  But while it was a deep and thoughtful conversation it wasn’t heavy and uncomfortable.  I appreciate his friendship and support.  I do wish I had the confidence, in me, that he has.  He said “I wish I could kill the little man in your head that tells you everything you do is wrong and bad”. I wish he could, too, but that is my responsibility.

DH asked me to move to the upstairs bedroom.  I, of course, will because frankly I don’t want to be where I am unwanted.  But I did ask him a couple things: what about teh dogs (typically I take care of them before work every morning and this might be a problem if I come and wake him up when I get them), am I still expected to do his laundry? (never had a problem w/that but I kinda wonder…ya know…if I am not welcome to sleep w/him should I then be responsible for his stuff?).  I won’t move everything upstairs (I have HEAVY furniture) and from upstairs there are only two places to go (1) back into our marriage bed or (2) to my own place.  Either would mean I have to move everything back down!  f-that!

DH states he is going to go up-north w/mutual friends for the weekend.  Get away and think.  I do think it is a good idea.  Oddly I have tried to get him to come up-north w/me but he always says it is too far (4h drive) and a waste of time and he has other things he wants/needs to do and it’s a waste of time and too far … get the picture?  So he will possibly leave late Friday but he has a giant thing going on at work and it may not be reasonable for him to get up there Friday night.  So he goes Saturday and comes home Sunday.  I’ve done that. It isn’t hard but it feels like I am in the car forEVER!  It is nice to know he is willing to do this.  Feels less nice to know he is NOT willing to do this with me.

I’m getting pissed.  I really need to not be so pissed b/c I need to be clear about what I realistically do have the right to be upset about and what I do not have that right to.  When I get pissed I just see red…and get in trouble.

Ah well…another day in paradise.